Orville to break historic links with Keith Harris

Shit eighties puppet Orville The Duck is to renegotiate his historic relationship with has-been ventriloquist Keith Harris, according to reports.

In a speech on Tuesday, Orville will call for a new system of ventriloquism which is “open, transparent and trusted” and does not rely on the viewer being easily distracted.

Orville has faced open criticism from those within the entertainment industry who accuse him of being nothing more than a mouthpiece for Harris’ poor jokes.

“What we saw back then is part of the death throes of the old ventriloquism”, Orville said.

“Keith with his hand up my arse calling all the shots. It is a symbol of all that is wrong with ventriloquism.”

“Every time I talk you can see Keith’s fucking gob flapping away – that has got to stop.”

“We need to move away from the closed shop system of ‘one puppet one ventriloquist’ as exemplified by Ray Allen and Lord Charles or Bob Carol-Gees and Spit The Dog.”

Key relationship to change

Orville fan Simon Williams said, “In fairness to Keith, he did try to break out of the mould by introducing Cuddles the Monkey, but unfortunately the entire act was a steaming pile of wank which struggled with the letter B.”

Harris, meanwhile, has advised Orville against severing his links completely, insisting it may not be possible for him to sit upright without assistance.

Harris said, “A Top Ten hit, the Prestatyn branch of Pontins sold out for two consecutive nights – none of this would have been possible without me.”

“At least I’m not a paedo,” he added.

“And let’s face it – I had plenty of opportunities.”