Friday 21 September 2012 by Spacey

Nick Clegg sorry for watching Babestation, but not for ejaculating on curtains, reveals Mrs Clegg

Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has apologised to his wife for watching porn chat channel Babestation, but has insisted he has no regrets about ejaculating all over the curtains.

Mr Clegg’s wife revealed that he is entirely unrepentant about firing off his sinful man muck despite offering his apologies for tuning into the televised filth.

“He has begged for my forgiveness for watching naked women on the television, but he insists that ejaculating over the curtains was completely necessary.”

“It’s like the time he apologised for forgetting my birthday, but refused to say sorry for not buying me anything.”

Mr Clegg’s children have also suffered disappointment after their father apologised profusely for promising to take them to Legoland, but remained remorseless that he couldn’t actually be bothered.

“He was a little bit teary when he was saying how sorry he was for promising to take us,” revealed one of his sons.

“But when it came to saying sorry for not going he just told us to man-up and deal with it.”

Clegg apology

The Liberal Democrat autumn conference starts in just two days time, and Mr Clegg is expected to reiterate his apology for making promises that he’s not sorry he didn’t keep.

“I will take the opportunity to offer my sincerest apologies to the British people for making pre-election promises that I’m not sorry I abandoned as soon I signed the coalition agreement.”

Rumours that Mr Clegg’s career is so dead and buried that his conference speech will be delivered via Derek Acorah have been dismissed by the deputy prime minister.

“I can assure you that I will be there to lead the Liberal Democrats into the second half of the coalition’s term,” he insisted.

“Look, I’ll even sign a pledge if you want.”

“What more do you need?”

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