#helpineedanambulance Hashtag to Replace 999 Service by 2014

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Members of the public will be encouraged to Tweet for an ambulance under wide-ranging reforms announced by the government over the weekend.

The phasing out of human emergency services operators was announced in a joint press conference by Health Secretary Andrew Lansley and Home Secretary Teresa May.

“People can use the hashtag and precede it with a brief and to-the-point description of their particular problem,” explained Lansley.

“One of the problems with the service at the moment is that people do tend to go on a bit about their symptoms, and the 140-character limit should help them to focus.”

“Additionally, this will help us prioritise the service during busy periods by, say, counting the number of re-tweets.”

The minister advised users not to geo-tag their Tweets, for privacy reasons.

Other services

The #helpineedanambulance hashtag is due for implementation by 2014, with #quickgetthepolice and #fuckmyhouseisonfire a year later.

When asked about the plans for the Coastguard service, Ms May replied: “coastguard?”