Liverpool offer Anfield cat three-and-a-half year contract

author avatar by 12 years ago

Liverpool have looked to bolster their attack by signing the Anfield cat, who showed much more promise in the one minute he was on the pitch against Spurs on Monday night than Andy Carroll has all season.

Manager Kenny Dalglish was quick to move after watching replays of the ease and fluidity with which the feline striker ran into the box and bamboozled Brad Friedel.

Dalglish said, “He’s beaten the keeper with a confidence Dirk Kuyt could only dream of.

“Some of the pigeons up in the stands were cooing unhappily that he’d shown threatening behaviour towards them, but it’s all a bit of banter as far as I’m concerned.

“I’d like to see the FA’s independent panel prove it, anyway.”

Both parties are reportedly happy about the agreement, with the cat satisfied to bide his time at Anfield until a bigger club which can offer regular Champions League football comes in.

“When Kenny showed him the contract, he was really purring with delight,” revealed animal sport psychologist Rich Jones, on behalf of his furry client.

“Although it might have been because of the tuna sandwich which was on Kenny’s desk.

“Then when they were talking him through the goal and assist bonuses, and about how they were going to try to get the official Nike Premier League ball replaced by a ball of wool, he became distracted and started trying to get his paws on the liver bird on the ‘This is Anfield’ sign.”

“Still seems less temperamental than Luis Suarez at least.”