Stuart Pearce to be unemployable by this time next year

Stuart Pearce’s initial euphoria at being selected to coach the London 2012 Great British football team quickly turned to disappointment after Fabio Capello reminded him that he will be without work for quite some time in the aftermath.

Pearce fought off a number of rivals to earn the prestigious task of trying to find justification to pick David Beckham in the squad.

“Right now I feel good, I suppose,” Pearce said passionately.

“I’ve been trusted with the difficult challenge of somehow getting Beckham’s face all over the Olympics, and I think I can do it.”

“But there’s the unpleasant thought of joining the masses of unemployed after we get knocked out in the group stage.”

“So right now I’m not sure what I’m doing exactly, but at least these feelings will help me empathise with what the players will be thinking when they’re trying to follow my tactics next year.”

Pearce to lose job at London 2012

Pearce was the ideal candidate, having coached the England under-21s to failure at international tournaments for a number of years.

He explained, “I’ve got the experience and know-how to get the British lads underperforming exactly as the nation expects.”

“The public will be watching and waiting for us to let them down on the pitch and for me to get the sack immediately as the FA attempts another ‘inquiry’.”

“I’m feeling the pressure already but I think it’s the perfect preparation for the stressful period next year when I have to find a new job.”

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