As debate continues to rage over the plight of the Traveller community, the UN has stepped in as peace brokers to recommend a county of their own.
“The key problem is that this disingenuous tribe need somewhere permanent to live while they roam the country, scrumping for copper,” explained the Ralf Haarnstock, the UN’s top troubleshooter.
“If we’ve learned one thing from the Israel conundrum, it’s that people love having communities with completely different values foisted on them. And I’m sure the people of Surrey will welcome their new neighbours with similar vigour.”
The new mobile-home county will be closed to ‘outsiders’. As Haarnstock explained, “The Travellers are really nervous around other communities. A 10-foot wall around Gypsyshire will stop ‘outsiders’ pointing accusing fingers at things they don’t understand, such as traditional customs, or piles of stolen power cables.”
Not everyone is happy with the new County. Eamonn Tike, a spokesman for the Travellers, was particularly critical of the idea that they should form their own council. “We shouldn’t have to be a viable state, it’s racist and against our religion.”
“Naturally, we all pay a lot of tax, so the council’s budget will be massive. But we need a minimum of two counties, so we can travel between them while someone is tidying up after us.”
The neighbouring councils of Surrey and Berkshire have raised planning objections with the new county, after complaints that the wall isn’t high enough. “We’re not snobs, some of my friends have caravans”, explained Mary Gillet of Guildford.
“We realise the wall is for their own protection, and we wouldn’t dream of questioning their ways. But if it was just a little higher, it might block out the noise of police helicopters.”