Murdoch reassures nation that Rebekah Brooks is ‘sleeping just fine’

author avatar by 12 years ago

The country breathed a collective sigh of relief today, when it was revealed that Rebekah Brooks is still sleeping like a baby.

Rupert Murdoch left an emotional speech on the voice mail of a crowd of journalists, saying “Despite these revelations that Rebekah may have been slightly involved in the exploitation of dead children, she’s still able to live with herself, and is sleeping well.”

Murdoch thanked the nation for its continued support through his darkest of profitable times.

“People can be assured that as they sit watching Sky News, disgusted by the new lows we’ve reached, we’ll continue to report every lurid detail.”

“In some ways, we’re our own harshest critics. No, not in that way.”

Brooks doing ‘fine’ thank you

The Sun newspaper is running a campaign to support Rebekah, with ‘Brooks’ Law’ drawing attention to the plight of journalists, in the hope that their addresses can be kept secret.

“We want to make it illegal to ‘out’ someone as a member of the press, so they can continue to live in the communities they love to feed on.”

Murdoch is excited by the campaign. “It’s time the public took responsibility for the vile behaviour of our journalists.”

“You can do your bit by buying our paper, and we’ll use the money to try and console ourselves somehow.”

“Oh, and there’s a great pull-out special today, with photos from Facebook of all those dead Norwegian kids.”