Idiots throughout the the fashion world have welcomed a new star designer to the catwalk today, in the form of David Beckham.
Wearing a flowing strip of red cloth with a head-hole in the middle, hemmed with sticky-tape and teeth-marks, Beckham proudly showed off his new ‘suit’.
“I’ve been wearing clothes since I was born” said Beckham, “and Victoria has spent the last week showing me how to use a pencil. I don’t think there’s no stopping me from clothes now.”
Beckham’s designs are an honest, breath of fresh air to the boutiques.
His unisex ‘I [heart symbol] fotballs’ underpants are both comfortable and quite well spelled, and his ‘at the end of the day’ pyjamas have sold out.
Beckham range launched
A new hat, which includes a strip of cloth obscuring the left eye, has been hailed by many as his ‘signature’ design.
“If you can’t see your ‘hat hand’, then you’re still wearing the hat”, explained Beckham. “But ‘if the hat hand’s there, your head is bare’. That’s the jingle that helps you use my hat. And there’s a pen so you can write ‘hat’ on your hand, too.”
Beckham is busy developing other designs, telling reporters, “I’m doing a trouser. It comes on a roll, and you twiddle it round your legs and then rip off the right length.”
“They’re hard to walk in, but there’s no chance of putting them on backwards.”
Beckham is justly proud of his new range, and is considering expanding into footwear.
As he explained, “I can get them on the right feet most of the time, I just need some help with the laces.”