Manchester City have agreed to let centre-forward Carlos Tevez return to the wild, admitting that their attempt to domesticate him has been a ‘complete failure’.
The signing of Tevez was seen a something of a risk by many observers, with some fans groups suggesting that tethering such a magnificent beast for their weekly entertainment was ‘cruel’.
Fan Michael Gallagher told us, “Creatures like Carlos Tevez don’t belong in mansions in quiet Cheshire villages, having their natural urges tamed by club officials.”
“They belong in the wild, foraging for food, and being the subject of scary stories that use to scare our children into behaving.”
“The club will tell you that they’ve taught him valuable life skills, and phrases such as ‘get ball’ and ‘score goal’, but that will just make it harder for him to reintegrate back in the wild.”
The Tevez experiment is likely to see Manchester City return to purchasing only tame or house-broken creatures from this point forward.
A club official told us, “We want a player who can excite the fans, knows where the goal is, but also doesn’t look like they’d bite the head off a chicken if you left them alone with one.”
“It would be an added bonus if they know how to use a western toilet. The one at the training ground is in a right state.”