Nation to continue pretending that it would rather be thin and poor

As the Euromillions winners were confirmed as an overweight couple from Scotland, everyone has begun desperately insisting that they would much rather be thin and poor anyway.

Chris and Colin Weir from Largs in Ayrshire were Tuesday’s jackpot winners, and were photographed celebrating in what Twitter users have described as a ‘typical fat person way’.

As one Twitter user described, “I tell you something, if the choice was between having £163m, or having just the one chin, then I’m afraid you can keep your lottery jackpot. Oh yes.”

Another wrote, “Me and my destitute six-pack are perfectly happy thank you very much. Oh yes you can.”

“You can have all the money in the world, if you’re fat how can you possibly be happy? No, I wouldn’t want to be them.”

Euromillions winners

Economists have pointed out that the net worth of Ayrshire has grown ten-fold overnight, with the Weirs becoming the richest Scots since the invention of money.

Financial Analyst Rich Williams of Dentley Morgan & Pierce said, “The local economy can expect a significant boost, and the Weirs will not have to work again,” before adding, “But they are quite fat.”

A spokesperson for the Weirs said, “We hear what you’re all saying, but they took a quick glance in their new gold-trimmed bag of bothereds, and found it to be completely empty.”

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