by American troops are not to be banned from smoking in war zones, as it poses less of a health risk than all the explosions and enemy bullets, the US Defence Department says.
The decision comes despite a recent study which recommended the US military should be tobacco-free, due to the danger it places on the health of soldiers in battle.
“We care deeply about the health of our soldiers,” said a US Defence Department spokesperson.
“Which is why we spent millions investigating the respiratory effects of smoking, instead of researching bullet proof face masks.”
Good news
The news has been hailed as a rare example of common sense by gun-toting nicotine addicts everywhere.
“Look, I’ll give up smoking the day that the enemy stops trying to blow a great big fucking hole in my face, how about that?” said one front-line soldier.
“If the Government is so concerned about our health and safety, how about they do something to stop people firing semi-automatic weapons at us on a daily basis, eh?”
“Or maybe they could stop sending us into places riddled with well-armed terrorists?”
“It’s not like a bit of nicotine affects your ability to discharge your weapon anway.”
“The Taliban spend most days smacked up to their eyeballs, and they’re doing alright.”
