We need more genuine danger in our schools, say teachers

author avatar by 14 years ago

Nearly half of all teachers believe the health and safety culture in schools is damaging children’s learning and development, and that we should reintroduce an element of danger, a survey suggests.

As the UK school system continues to churn out witless retards at a rate of nearly one million a year, teachers have used the survey to show it isn’t their fault, after all.

“It’s not our fault that today’s school leavers are a bunch of illiterate mongs who think an evening of culture is watching a live Big Brother eviction,” said a teachers spokesperson.

“How can we teach effectively in an environment where kids need to wear goggles to put up posters, or PE gets cancelled because the grass is wet?”

“When I was at school I spent eight hours a day terrified to my very core, and now look at me, I’m an extremely successful Geography teacher who is fourth in line for the head of year job.”


In an effort to improve results, a number of pilot programmes have been trialled to re-introduce the danger factor to the country’s classrooms.

“I brought a live tiger into my class,” said London based mathematics teacher Mr Warbold.

“I’ve never had such rapped attention from the kids, you know, once the crying had stopped.”

“Any sign of misbehaviour and you just throw a bloody steak at the Tiger, it’s much more effective than the threat of detention.”

“They might still be too stupid to grasp Pythagoras’ theorem, but at least they really tried this time.”

“Erm, I don’t suppose you happen to have any tranqualiser darts do you?”