Mugabe claims shock victory

Robert Mugabe has claimed a shock victory in the election for Chairman of the Berkshire Mens Crown Bowling League.

Mr. Mugabe, 84, had not campaigned for the position, or indeed put his name on the ballot, but as of yesterday evening he was claiming an unexpected victory.

“The people have spoken!” he said, whilst driving through downtown Bracknell. “I am here to take up my rightful position.”

Mr. Mugabe was keen to avoid detailing exactly which people he referred to, but was bullish with his plans based on his new “mandate”.

When questioned about the details of his alleged mandate he replied, “It may be necessary to use methods other than constitutional ones.”

Recount

There were immediate calls for a recount, as the previous favourite for the role as Chairman, Stanley Jeavons, 68, was not even offered a role within the Mugabe administration.

“I’m surprised, yes.” said Mr. Jeavons. “This time yesterday I was looking forward to leading the league into next season and playing my part for my team. Now I’ll be lucky to even get a game under Mugabe regime.”

The National Crown Green Bowling Association refused to comment.