Tuesday 31 October 2017 by Adam Bevan

Cyclist who arrived at office in full lycra wins ‘Scariest Costume’ for 4th Halloween running


Scared office workers

An eager cyclist has once again taken first prize in the office Halloween costume competition for a fourth consecutive year, after arriving this morning in full, skin-tight cycling gear.

Simon Williams, a 45-year-old consultant from Bedfordshire, was crowned this year’s Halloween costume champion at 08:42 this morning, just 90 seconds after he arrived in the office.

The costume itself was a skin-tight, lycra onesie, with blue and black striping and sponsors all over. The likes of which you’d only see in the Tour de France, the Olympics, or basically any B-road in the United Kingdom.

A friend of Williams told us, “One colleague was so appalled by the skin-tight costume, and the horrors that it so clearly revealed, that she’s since gone home feeling ill and talking about suing the company for creating an environment that brought on PTSD.

“It really is horrifying; it leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination. It wouldn’t be quite so bad if he was built like David Beckham instead of David Brent.

“There is a guy here who had his zombie make-up professionally done by a mate who works in television, and all he got was a few thumbs up from the folks in accounts. Simon walked in and his outfit had people literally hiding under their desks in fear.”

Williams himself insists he sees the funny side, but has also been somewhat snappy in meetings ever since being given the award by his colleagues.

Runners-up in the office included a zombie-hipster and someone who generally resembled John McCririck.

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