Tory Minister, Michael Fallon has sought to deflect attention from a high-profile groping incident by outing himself as the Defence Secretary.
The Right Honourable gentleman groped female journalist Julia Hartley-Brewer at a conference dinner in 2002, but pulled his hand away after she threatened to fill his face in.
Fallon, who uses the same PR team as Kevin Spacey, said, “I have a lot of respect and admiration for Julia Hartley-Brewer’s legs as a journalist, especially with regard to her appearances on Loose Women.
“I owe her the sincerest apology for what would have been inappropriate drunken behaviour, if I could remember any of her thighs.
“While we’re on the subject, this story has encouraged me to address other issues about my life as a working politician.
“I have for a number of years now been selling fighter jets to despotic regimes, which are used to target and murder small Yemeni children while they sleep.
“I want to deal with this honestly and openly, and that starts with examining my own arse-licking of murderous tyrants.”
French Defence Secretary, Jean-Yves Le Drian, said “By conflating groping someone’s knee with flogging weapons to cunts, Michael Fallon has painted the Defence Secretary community in a negative light.
“If that bitch wants to collaborate on a rapid deployment force, he’s going to have to buy me dinner first.”