Thursday 14 May 2015 by Andrew

Kay Burley becomes self-aware


Kay Burley self-aware

Sky news reporter Kay Burley has become self-aware according to reports today.

Burley, who on 9/11 reported that the entire eastern seaboard of the USA had been decimated by a terrorist attack, apparently recognised herself as a human being, separate from the environment and other individuals, and capable of introspection, after five hours of belligerently trying to interview “that sour-faced woman in the mirror”.

Self-awareness usually begins in humans at the age of 18 months when toddlers recognise their own reflections.

Burley, 54, who informed a missing 5-year-old’s relatives live on air that police were now using dogs trained to find bodies, has now reached a level of metacognition also observed in apes, monkeys, elephants, dolphins and magpies.

Burley, whose career is littered with hundreds of Ofcom complaints, eventually realised that her argumentative interview technique was not yielding any results and looked behind the mirror in confusion, before repeatedly touching her face and watching transfixed as her reflection appeared to do the same.

The reporter, who made Peter Andre cry on air with repeated questions about the custody of his children, now has self-awareness to the point where not only is her self seen from a first person view but she realises that it is also seen from a third person’s view, bringing an understanding of how she can be in the mind of others.

Burley, who was forced to apologise on-air in 2010 for offending Catholics with a joke about Ash Wednesday, and who has also been described on air as “a bit dim” by MP Chris Bryant after she had steamrollered her point of view across without listening to him, is believed to be re-evaluating her entire existence in light of the cognitive development.

The sour-faced woman in the mirror was unavailable for comment.

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