Ebola panic subsides as scientists find cure for white people

Global panic surrounding the Ebola virus has begun to subside after it was revealed an experimental treatment has cured every white person who has received it.

Though Ebola is still considered extremely dangerous, white people everywhere have breathed a huge sigh of relief and started classifying it as much akin to ‘a bad cold’

Traveller Simon Williams told us, “Ebola sounds absolutely awful, so I’m just grateful I’m white, and therefore have treatment options should I find myself catching it.”

“What are the chances that in a global epidemic the first people they find a cure for are a few white westerners? I’m not a betting man, but probably quite high I’d imagine.”

“Sure, I do feel a bit sorry all those poor black people getting it, but if they wanted a better chance of living they should have been born rich and white – they’ve no-one to blame but themselves.”

“They chose to be born black, poor and in Liberia, so what did they expect?”

Ebola cure

The pharmaceutical industry has hailed the cure as another significant milestone in its mission to keep rich white people healthy.

A spokesperson explained, “We dedicate ourselves to providing the best medical treatment possible to people who can pay us handsomely for it – and Ebola is no different.”

“Sure, we can focus our resources on getting more of the cure out there to Africa – or we can focus on developing a really expensive vaccine that might protect every white people who goes there.”

“I’ll let you decide which is the priority.”

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