Good guy with a gun fails to prevent 3,095th successive mass shooting

America is beginning to wonder precisely when a good guy with a gun is actually going to prevent a mass shooting.

The good guy with a gun has been cited as an effective deterrent against firearm homicide, but has thus far failed to save any of the 290,000 Americans killed by firearms since 2000.

With yet another massacre taking place yesterday in Pittsburgh, some Americans have started to wonder where the heck this good guy actually is – and some lone, dissenting voices have begun to question if he even exists.

However, NRA spokesman Simon-Bob Williams insisted the strategy was sound.

“If fewer people were armed we’d actually have more mass shootings, not less,” he told us with his eyes pointing in different directions.

“That’s how logic works in these here parts, boy, and don’t you forget it.

“We armed teachers, airline passengers, the police, bus drivers, passers-by and deranged rednecks in a bid to boost safety.

“We just forget to include holidaymakers, synagogue attendees and concertgoers. We’ll be encouraging Congress to pass mandatory ‘holiday carry’ laws to ensure this never happens again.”