Neighbours have bought properly loud fireworks this year

Your neighbours have bought the kind of fireworks that would wake the dead.

Simon Williams, 41, who you don’t really speak to a lot but nod to and say “alright” when you both put the bins out, has treated his family to a bumper pack of FuckBang 3000s.

“Bloody hell!” exclaimed Simon, letting one off just as you were falling asleep.

“These things are fucking loud aren’t they? Some naysayers might even suggest they’re not suitable for use in a built-up area containing family homes designs for small children and pets, they’re that loud!

“I’m so glad I bought enough to last from now until several weeks after Guy Fawkes’ night. I’ll be the talk of the town!

“My neighbours? Nah, they’ll be fine. There’s a thin wooden fence approximately five-feet high between our gardens, that’ll buffer out most of the noise I reckon.”

Simon’s wife sighed, “Yeah, sorry about this.

“I’ve tried to stop him but honestly saying the phrase ‘can we please not spend a grand on fireworks’ just makes me want to put my head in the oven.

“I don’t even like fireworks that much – or my husband, for that matter.”

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