Cheddar Man probably ‘UK’s first benefit tourist’ insists Nigel Farage

Nigel Farage believes ‘Cheddar Man’ was probably a benefits tourist putting extra strain on the Mesolithic welfare system.

The discovery that early Britons had dark skin indicates to some the fallibility of modern racial constructs and forces us to question the very notion of nationalism and identity.

But not Nigel Farage.

He explained, “The NHS in Mesolithic Britain was at breaking point due to the long-standing open border policy that’s blighted this great nation for over 10,000 years.

“You had literally 10s of people walking across the open borders of the continental bridge between Europe and Mesolithic Britain. People who contributed absolutely nothing to this great land, but came here only bleed this country dry and draw things in caves.”

Anglo Saxons who heralded from Germany and Denmark and are largely thought to be the main ancestors of modern-day Britons are believed to have made the journey across the North Sea approximately 11,000 years after Cheddar Man had lived.

“Utter codswallop,” said Farage.

“I’m going to continue believing white people lived here first otherwise everything I’ve ever said about immigrants wouldn’t make any sense.”

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