Man so posh he eats fruit even when he’s not ill

31-year-old Simon Williams has been accused of ‘swank’ after eating a piece of fresh fruit despite not being unwell today.

Friends initially rallied to Simon when hearing that he’d eaten fruit, only to be left feeling resentful and confused by his insistence that he felt ‘fine’ and just fancied something that was recognisably food.

“He’s always thought he’s a bit above everyone else, and this proves it,” friends told us after he rejected normal food for some hoity-toity, stuck-up snacks that grew on a so-called ‘tree’.

“What’s wrong with having chips or Pringles like a normal person?

“But nooo, they’re not good enough for mister ‘actually I quite like apples’.”

Further evidence of Simon thinking he’s so much better than everyone else include him preferring BBC to ITV, once having owned a Volvo, and not pissing in the shower like everyone else.