Brussels was set abuzz yesterday as a cross-party group of Remain MPs met Michel Barnier but did not invite the press to a cringe-worthy display of jingoism designed to placate senescent tabloid readers in Berkshire.
Sigmund Wilhelms, the EU’s communications director, admitted that officials were caught on the back foot having to deal with politicians who came equipped with pertinent questions but not a single hamper of shit British food.
“It was a bit of a problem as usually we only set aside five minutes for UK delegations,” Wilhelms told us.
“Normally they show up, puff up their chests, say something ridiculous to a Daily Mail journalist then ask our staff to call them a taxi because they can’t speak French.
“But we’re delighted to meet with any British parliamentarians and we’re relieved to discover that they don’t all look like angry potatoes.”
Normal service is expected to resume in March as David Davis will return to Brussels and then refuse to stay overnight as he has more important things to do like go on the air to undermine any agreement he just signed up to.
A state of affairs Herr Wilhelms was keen to see return.
He went on, “We’ve found a good rhythm, and the stunts certainly entertain us while we decide the future of your country.
“Did you see that tweet when Nigel Farage asked the public to send him questions? Great fun! It showed me a whole new facet of the English language.
“Still not quite sure what a ‘squashed bollock piss-gibbon’ is but somehow it suits Mr Farage perfectly.”