Remainer desperately trying to spin UK economic growth figures into bad news

As the third quarter GDP figures were released showing the UK economy grew by 0.4% from July to September, Remainers have been busy contorting themselves into a position where this is ‘bad news’.

The economy had higher than expected growth in the three months to September, meaning bad news for anyone who enjoys rubbing the noses of Brexiters ‘in it’.

“Well, this 0.4% growth is clearly lower than it would have been had we not begun the Brexit process,” explained remain voter Simon Williams, confidently.

“And it’s impossible for you to prove me wrong because I am referencing a future that never happened, and if you can’t prove me wrong, then that means I am correct because that is how the Internet works now.

“Yes it is, shut up,” he concluded.

Meanwhile, the better than expected growth figures have led to speculation of an interest rate rise from the Bank of England at the start of next month, something that can probably be blamed on Brexit.

“Yes, definitely,” added Williams, who suddenly perked up again.

“That means your mortgage will go up and you’ll have less money in your pocket at the end of the month – thanks Brexit!”

However, the government is refusing to gloat about the growth figures ‘being good news’, knowing full well they’re on the verge of a catasrophuck of epic proportions in their ongoing Brexit negotiations with the EU.

A Whitehall insider told us, “Look, right now we’ll happily take people saying ‘Brexit isn’t going all that badly’ as a win. In a few months time, I’m guessing we’ll be offering the souls of our first borns for headlines that positive.”

Advertisement

NewsThumpNotebooks

Somewhere to write down everything that’s wrong with the world. You may need several.

See the full collection →