Suspected paedophile’s reputation in tatters over ‘Conservative Prime Minister’ accusations

Suspected paedophile Sir Edward Heath’s reputation lies in tatters over claims that he was a Conservative Prime Minister in the 1970s, police have said.

Heath, who drove a yacht full of puppies during the 60s and 70s, has repeatedly appeared on old news footage in close proximity to Downing Street, leading many to fear the worst.

Police say a number of people have come forward claiming Heath looked ‘A lot like a man off the telly who was running the country’, very badly as it happens.

However, friends have since leaped to his defence, insisting he would have never laid a finger on the levers of power.

Friend and confidant Simon Williams said, “Sure – Ted buggered children, that was well known, but to suggest he had a deep-seated loathing of poor people and the comprehensive education system is deeply unfair.”

Fellow pal Timothy Welsby said, “That he was an incorrigible nonce is beyond dispute, however the fact that people are linking him to the Three Day Week is just downright offensive.

“Ted was a true liberal who just happened to have a thing about playgrounds and handing out crisps.”

Met Police Chief Commissioner Brian Paddick said,”If he was alive today, Mr Heath would have been questioned over allegations that he tried to fuck the entire country”.

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