36,000 ‘Boris to the Rescue!’ T-shirts delivered to undisclosed address in Uxbridge

A huge shipment of ‘Boris to the Rescue!’ T-shirts has been delivered to a mystery buyer in the Uxbridge area, according to reports this afternoon.

The delivery, which was arranged through a local printer by mobile phone call earlier this afternoon, was described as a ‘rush job’.

“It was about half two this afternoon when we get a call,” said local publicity materials vendor Simon Williams. “It was a bad line – sounded like there was a lot of half-hearted clapping going on in the background so it was difficult to hear.

“Geezer tells us he needs as many shirts and leaflets as we can do in twenty-four hours because it was a ‘bally gosh-dinged emergency’.”

Describing an order of that scale and speed as tough but do-able, Mr Williams said the identity of his buyer remains unknown at this time.

“It’s a mystery. Who could need that many issue-specific promotional items at short notice?

“I asked if it were that Jacob Rees-Mogg off the telly and he swore down the phone at me and hung up.”

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