Sherlock team promises Dracula will also be completely up its own arse

The team behind the BBC’s Sherlock series have confirmed that their forthcoming version of Dracula will also be “completely up its own arse”.

“We’re planning to start off well, giving Bram Stoker’s original material a modern twist,” said writer Mark Gatiss.

“But then it’s just going to go completely up its own arse.”

Co-writer Steven Moffat agreed, saying, “We’re going to run out of ideas pretty quickly and leave gaping plot holes everywhere, so we’re going to have to have 17 episodes about the wedding of a secondary character, then bring in Dracula’s previously unheard of sister who it turns out has disguised herself as every other character in the show or something completely up its own arse like that.

“Then we’ll have an episode that’s a rip-off of the Crystal Maze, then one just all taking place in Dracula’s head.

“No, hang on a sec, it’s all taking place up his own arse.”

Moffat and Gatiss then high-fived each other at just how up its own arse that idea was.

Producer Sue Vertue summed up the show: “It’s a good job this guy hates sunlight, because the whole thing is so up its own arse he’s never going to see any.”