Cheap Christmas tree already shedding its goddamn needles

The bargain Christmas tree you bought off that bloke in the pub is already shedding its bloody needles, according to reports.

Dave the Butcher had a few going cheap and you thought it would be a good idea to buy this year’s Christmas tree at 11 pm in a pub car park from a bloke who sells meat for a living.

However, with less than a week to go before Christmas Day, the tree is showing disturbing signs that it will be completely bald by the big day.

We asked you about the tree, and you told us, “I thought I was doing a good thing, saving a few quid at an expensive time of year – especially on something we’re going to throw out in a fortnight anyway.

However, your wife told us, “He’s such a tight sod. It’s no surprise he decided the place to save money was on the kids’ tree when he’d spent the night in the pub.”

You have decided the best way to address the situation is to teach the kids the words to “Christmas twig Oh Christmas Twig”.

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