New dystopian horror film to be set on Southern Rail train

A new film about a terrifying future in which people are dehumanised and shorn of hope and joy is to be set on a Southern Rail commuter train.

The film – The Death Of All That Is Good – is being made by Brighton-based filmmaker Simon Williams.

“Well, it’s the bleakest, most terrible vision of humanity at it’s most base and appalling,” said Mr Williams.

“So, the obvious place to set the film is on a Southern Rail train.”

“Originally, I had planned to make an elaborate set which would marry a bleak Orwellian dystopia with a claustrophobic nightmare of filth and squalor.”

“But then I caught a train back from London and realised that nothing my imagination could come up with would be as grim as a Southern Rail train, so why not just film on that.”

Southern Rail didn’t seem particularly embarrassed by the use of their trains as a vision of hell.

“Couldn’t give a shit, mate,” said CEO Charles Horton.

“As long as we get paid, that’s all we care about.”

Filming will take place daily on the 17.40 London Bridge to Brighton service which will double for a nightmarish future where ordinary folk spend their entire lives in overcrowded, smelly, and dirty tubes with no hope of ever seeing beauty or truth.

Commuter Eleanor Gay was confused, however.

“Sorry, so is this a documentary or what?”