Organic food offers health benefits by absorbing all disposable income

Organic farmers have claimed that a study showing their produce had no health benefits hadn’t taken into account their extortionate pricing which prevents consumers from spending money on chips and cakes.

The independent study claimed there is little difference in its nutritional value and no evidence of any extra health benefits from eating organic produce – a claim vehemently denied by organic farmers.

“It’s rubbish, of course organic food is better for you.” said a spokesperson for the Soil Association.

“Not better for you in the in the traditional ‘vitamins and nutrition’ manner expected from food, I grant you,”

“But its exorbitant pricing means there is no money left over to buy crisps and fizzy pop, which is better for everyone.”

“Also, most right-minded people feel slightly nauseous after spending two pounds on an organic cucumber grown in a box of animal faeces,”

“And what better way to fend off a sweet tooth than having the nagging feeling you’ve spent perfectly good money on something really, really stupid?”

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The survey findings have come as a shock to many consumers who had believed their investment in organic produce might significantly improve their health.

“My local chippy has been using organic potatoes for 6 weeks now,” said organic produce consumer Mike Shuttleworth, of Reading.

“And I was happy paying five quid for a bag of chips, because I knew it was doing me some good, health wise.”

“Now I’ll have to settle for an unhealthy bag of chips and an extra three pound fifty in my pocket, but what use is that?”

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