Dole queues now better qualified than ever before

author avatar by 15 years ago

As figures show the number of first class degrees awarded by UK universities has doubled in the last ten years, studies have shown that the UK’s dole queues are now better educated than ever before.

With a record number of first class degree holders among the record number of job hunting graduates, the average IQ of a job centre queue is at an all time high.

One long term unemployed man told us, “I was waiting in line at the benefit office and these two posh nerds in front of me started talking about philosophy and parliamentary history.”

“It was all I could do not to steal their lunch money.”

Poor decisions

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With expensive degree courses now leading straight to the job centre, some are ruing academic decisions made four years previously.

“My first-class degree in oriental sciences has qualified me to do the square root of precisely fuck all, which is a coincidence as that’s how many jobs there are.”

“I spent last week moving bricks around on a building site, and nobody was interested in talking about the difference between the Old Persian and Vedic Sanskrit languages.”


Secretary of State for Word and Pensions, Yvette Cooper,  told us, “This is a sign of the progress made due to Labour’s education policy since 1997.”

“We now have the most literate unemployed people in Western Europe, a record to be proud of I’m sure you’d agree.”