Bigots unhappy at being called bigots

Nick Clegg was forced to remove the word bigot from a speech last night after bigots announced they are unhappy being labelled bigots.

In a speech which was to criticise those opposed to gay marriage, Clegg instead chose to refer to them as ‘persons of a medieval persuasion’.

Former Archbishop of Canterbury, Lord Carey said, “Bigot is such an ugly term, whereas the church is about beauty, inclusion and making as much money as possible.

“Holding bigoted opinions should not automatically mean you get called a ‘bigot’. There are other considerations, such as how big your pointy hat is, or if you own any gold chairs.”

Equal rights campaigners have told Clegg that removing the word bigot from a speech makes those bigots better people in the same way not using ‘moron’ to describe George Osborne makes him a genius.

Campaigner Simon Williams told us, “That’s the thing about bigots, referring to them as ‘persons of indefensible opinions’ doesn’t make them any less bigoted. It’s like cats not liking the term ‘feline’ – tough shit.

“In fact, a bigot calling foul over the term bigot just further highlights the issue about which they’re bigoted. It’s win-win really. Unless you’re a bigot.”

After the speech, Nick Clegg told reporters, “There were three people in the country who didn’t think I’m a spineless weak-willed lick-spittle, but our polling data says that’s down to one this morning. Which is a shame.”