Republicans desperately seeking way to make good thing seem like bad thing

Following President Barack Obama’s speech last night entitled, ‘This is a good idea and you’re an idiot if you don’t agree’, Republicans have spent the night thinking of ways to make it seem like a communist plot to take away America’s guns.

Obama outlined a number of measures that included billions on infrastructure projects to create jobs, and tax cuts for small businesses, all the while looking at Republicans mouthing, “Go on, I just fucking dare you”.

Republican spokesperson Mitch Goldberg told us, “Right now, we’re finding it incredibly difficult to find something in there which we can use to rally against.”

“It might take a little while, but trust me, we’ll find it. Trust me, this is communism 101, make ‘it’ look like socially-aware capitalism.”

Obama speech

Eight hours after he finished his speech, Obama was still meeting with GOP members, greeting them with a firm handshake before staring deep into their eyes and repeating the phrase, “This is the job creation plan you’re looking for.”

As one Republican congressman said, “I have to say, I think this is the job creation plan we’re looking for.”

Meanwhile George Osborne this morning insisted that spending money to create jobs is definitely the wrong way to go about things, claiming that cutting spending is the way to get the country back on track, before claiming anyone suggesting otherwise is an idiot.