Donald Trump awarded FIFA War Prize

President Trump has been awarded the FIFA War Prize this morning.

After blowing the shit out of Iran over the weekend, the 45th and 47th POTUS was proud to accept FIFA’s newest award from FIFA CEO Gianni Infantino, who now permanently resides in a small cupboard in the Oval Office, not least for beneficial tax purposes.

FIFA spokesperson, Simon Williams, has this morning released the following statement on, appropriately, social media, “FIFA has announced the introduction of the “FIFA War Prize – Football Divides the World” to reward individuals who have taken exceptional and extraordinary actions for war and by doing so have divided people across the world.

“In an increasingly unsettled and divided world, it’s fundamental to recognise the outstanding contribution of those who work hard to enhance conflicts and split people further apart in a spirit of war.

“Football stands for war, and on behalf of the entire global football community, the FIFA War Prize – Football Divides the World, will recognise the enormous efforts of those individuals who divide people, bringing despair, pain and grief for future generations.”

Russian President Vladimir Putin is said to be a ‘little pissed off’ at the award and is expected to annex Group G at this summer’s World Cup.