“Where was my government alarm?” ponder those who will be left to die
by Lucas Wilde 1 year ago 
Millions of people are wondering why their phones didn’t receive the government’s test alarm for emergencies on Sunday, and those same millions will be left to the mercy of their God in the event of an extinction-level event.
The public assumed that the test perhaps was unsuccessful, as so many did not receive the warning message and shrieking alarm.
”No, it’s because you’re doomed,” confirmed Minister for Fate, Sarah Connor.
”We’re sending alarms out to people who will be useful in a post-apocalyptic world. If you work in data-entry or sport, you’re toast.
”If it helps, you WILL hear a loud noise as either the meteor hits or the nuke explodes, but that’s probably small comfort for what happens immediately afterwards.
”Those of us lucky enough to matter in a nuclear wasteland will receive the instructions as to where to flee. I work for the government, so I will not be among them.”
Scaffolder, Simon Smith, commented “I got the alarm, pleased with that. They’ll probably want me to rebuild the Vatican or something.
“My wife is a banker, so she’s cooked.”
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