“It’s not a bloody peerage though, is it?!” fumes David Beckham

David Beckham is reported to be furious at only being given a knighthood in the king’s honours list.

A source close to the human advertising billboard and former England and Manchester United star has told us, “He’s proper spitting feathers. After all these years kissing the arse of every member of the royals – even the bloody corgis – all he gets is a bloody knighthood?!”

“It was bad enough when he only got an OBE, but he’s done LOADS since then!

Meanwhile, Mr Beckham has said, “Eleven hours I spent in that bloody queue. ELEVEN. HOURS.

“With normal people. Just to gawp at a coffin like some peasant, and this is all the thanks I get?

“If I’d known, I would have spent that time doing something worthwhile like filming a new Adidas advert.

“They say life isn’t fair, and this injustice is a prime example of that being true. If Dickens were alive today, he’d have run out of ink over this already – Tiny Tim had no idea what it means to be treated unfairly. NO BLOODY IDEA!”