Justin Welby offered big money transfer to Catholic Church after demonstrating world-class ability to protect child abusers
by Rich Smith 2 years ago Justin Welby could find himself a new home inside the Catholic Church after Vatican officials were said to be impressed by his ability to protect child abusers inside the Church of England.
With calls for Welby to resign showing no signs of abating, senior Catholic officials have insisted it would be a loss to organised religion to see such an effective operator have to leave his chasuble behind for good.
Vatican Spokesperson Fthr Simon Williams told us, “Justin has many years of experience, not only of all the God stuff, but also of the sort of things we really value here in the Catholic Church.
“Even now, as the media coverage reaches fever pitch, he’s still refusing to throw anyone under the bus, even though 100 children were abused. That’s the sort of teammate you dream of, and we will not rest until we’ve secured his signature.
“I don’t know if you’ve been around the Vatican recently, but we’re in a position to offer a very lucrative package for the right person to complete our team.
“The transfer window opens in January, and we hope to have him in our colours by the first of Feb.
“Watch this space!”
Yet more NewsThump stories
‘We must cut capital gains tax for people who give me five-million pound gifts’, insists Nigel Farage
Reform promises to rescue Britain by taking money from people who can’t work and giving tax breaks to people who don’t need to
Italians riot as tourist orders cappuccino after 11am
Man begins three-day period of saying the time and then what time it ‘really’ is
Johnny Depp left terrified after Met Office issues Amber warning
