Cryogenics firms criticise Government for ‘nationalisation by stealth’ after dropping winter fuel allowance

As the proposed winter fuel ban meets with increasing backlash across the political spectrum, lobbyists for several cold storage firms have now warned against what they see as rushed nationalisation of the industry by Labour.

Simon Williams, spokesman for ‘Ice, Ice Baby and other Family Members Cryo LTD’ was quoted as saying, “Freezing human bodies shouldn’t be attempted outside of strict laboratory conditions.

“This piecemeal approach by the Labour government in encouraging amateurs in poorly insulated two-up two-down end terraces is going to yield flimsy results.

“As a case study, I understand the government’s reliance on Newcastle’s coastal winds to reach sub-zero temperatures is certainly a more carbon-neutral approach than our own, but you’ve got to weigh that against the fact it basically won’t work.”

Williams added, “Honestly, this reads more like a misfiring government striving to make cuts by taxing the elderly and infirm as opposed to being based on the actual science of cryogenic body preservation.”

A government official from the home office released a statement seeking to allay the fears of the cryogenics sector, saying, “Obviously this is about cost cutting, not a countrywide enforcement of hibernation for the elderly, as some people erroneously believe.

“We obviously looked at taxing the super-rich as a means of plugging the budgetary gap, but given we anticipate a national ‘thawing’ of pensioners sometime around March/April anyway, we thought this was the best approach.”

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