BMW driver genuinely torn between honking at old lady on crossing or just revving his engine

A BMW driver is completely torn over whether he should blast his horn or rev his engine at an old lady crossing the road today.

BMW owner Simon Williams, who is described by his closest friends as an utter tosspot, is waiting for Agatha Jenkins, 93, to get across the zebra crossing so he can get to a vital meeting.

The delay of almost twelve seconds to his journey is ‘clearly unacceptable’, Williams confirmed.

BMW require people who buy their cars to act like twats at junctions and crossings, and failure to do so can invalidate both warranty and insurance.

“It’s a more complex decision than you might think,” he told us.

“For example, if I honk my horn at the coffin-dodger, do I go for a few short pips or one, drawn out blast?

“Or if I rev my engine, do I go for a drawn-out and threatening growl or just idle with taps of the accelerator to really shit her up?”

When asked, Agatha said that obviously she was concerned by the behaviour of the BMW driver at the crossing, but she thanked her lucky stars he wasn’t an Audi driver as they wouldn’t stop at all.

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