Man feels brief moment of total spiritual fulfilment after upgrading phone

Chelmsford man Simon Williams has described the brief moment of complete spiritual fulfilment he found on upgrading his phone to the latest model.

“When I opened the box, it was like being enveloped in the arms of Jesus,” said Mr Williams of the moment his new phone arrived.

“The best way I can describe it, is to say that when my son was born, he reached out and took hold of my thumb, and I felt a connection not only to him but to all humanity through the ages. It was incredibly profound.

“But my son doesn’t have 5G capabilities or wireless charging technology, so this was better.”

However, as with all moments of joy, it couldn’t last.

“No, it’s faded now. But for that one moment when I first plugged the phone in to charge for the first time, it was like my purpose on Earth had been revealed to me, and I understood my place in the universe and it was beautiful.”

Mr Williams maintains that he feels no disappointment that the moment was fleeting.

“Oh no, I’ve experienced the most total and complete sense of fulfilment it’s possible for a man to have. It was a lifetime’s worth.

“I wonder when I can next get an upgrade?”

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