Putin announces triumph in 2024, 2030, and 2036 elections

Legitimately elected President of Russia, Vladimir Putin, has confirmed that he has won not only this year’s election but also the 2030 election and the 2036 election.

The Russian premier took the unusual step of announcing his triumphs in future elections because “I’m Vladimir Putin, I do what I like.”

He went on, “I am very grateful to my loyal supporters, for electing me as their new leader in this, and the next two elections.

“I think it shows the strength of our great country that its leader is able to win three elections at once, whereas, in backward countries like the US or Britain, the leaders are only able to win one at a time, and then only barely.

“Clearly they are all shit.”

Russian voters seemed pleased with the result.

“Yes, I am very pleased with the result, we are blessed as a nation,” said Simov Williamsovitch, a voter who showed only minimal signs of torture.

“It is good to know that Mr Putin has also won the next two elections, as that means I can make dinner plans for those two election nights without the fear of further beatings from the secret police in order to make me go and vote for him.

“Not that there were any beatings this time. Please do not print that, or I will be beaten for talking about the beatings.”

It is understood that the only reason Mr Putin did not confirm his win in the 2042 election was that he was concerned about making it ‘look a bit suspicious’.

Fuck Putin – the mug