McDonald’s outage sees millions of people become healthier by accident

Due to a widespread technical issue this morning, people were unable to order from McDonald’s. As a result, hundreds of thousands of people have found themselves much healthier by accident.

The IT failure, which rendered the nation incapable of placing online orders for their beloved Big Macs and McFlurries, inadvertently propelled the UK into what nutritionists are calling “the most successful diet plan of the century.”

The technical snafu, which lasted a gruelling 7 hours, left millions of Britons facing the unthinkable prospect of cooking at home or, in extreme cases, consuming fruits and vegetables.

Reports from across the country indicate a bewildering spike in salad sales and a mysterious depletion of fruit stocks, a phenomenon that scientists are struggling to explain.

Government health officials, initially panicked at the prospect of a national fast-food famine, were astounded by the swift health improvements.

“We’ve been trying to achieve results like these for decades with public health campaigns,” exclaimed one baffled official. “Who knew all we really needed was a server outage?”

McDonald’s has issued a heartfelt apology for the inconvenience. It has restored service and pledged to reverse the nation’s accidental health gains as swiftly as possible.

“We understand the importance of our role in the dietary habits of the British public,” stated a McDonald’s spokesperson. “Rest assured, we’re working around the clock to get everyone back to their regular eating routines.”

Meanwhile, the incident has sparked a nationwide debate among health experts on whether the key to combating obesity might lie in targeting the country’s broadband network rather than its calorie intake.

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