‘We’re looking at 34th of Neverember’ – Rishi Sunak finally announces general election date

Rishi Sunak has announced that the general election will finally go ahead on the 34^th of Neverember this year.

With news emerging earlier that the Prime Minister had ruled out a May general election because he’s absolutely shitting himself, further news has now emerged that the election will definitely go ahead this year, in Neverember, probably the 34th or 35th.

Speaking earlier, he confirmed to reporters, “We’re looking at the 34^th. and it will definitely be in Neverember.

“But obviously things can change, and if we can’t fix that date in then we may have to move it to February next year. Probably the 30^th Feb, I think, to give everyone a chance to get prepared.

“This ongoing suggestion that we are avoiding the general election is just preposterous, and we really cannot wait to let the country vote us back into power after the sterling job we have done over the last few years.

“That’s why we are trying our best to secure a suitable date for the election, in Neverember, right at the end. In fact, maybe the 37^th is best, what with school half-term holidays and everything?”

Asked why they do not just call the election in May if they really want the country to decide, we were told, “Ooof  – jeez. That’s a bit quick isn’t it? Let’s not rush into these things. Can we do May next year?”

Twatspotting #3 – Rishi

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