Illegal Migration Bill to circumvent European Court of Human Rights by reclassifying asylum seekers as sub-human
by Andy Matthews 3 years ago 
The Home Secretary will be granted new powers in the Illegal Migration Bill to ignore attempts by the European Court of Human Rights to prevent deportations by reclassifying migrants as sub-human.
The government insists that an amendment to the bill is necessary since the ECHR continues to insist that asylum seekers are human beings and deserving of basic human rights, in direct opposition to his government’s official position.
Suella Braverman told a gathered crowd of Tory supporters ahead of this week’s by-elections, “The disastrous ECHR won’t be able to do anything to stop us, even though they keep on saying that asylum seekers are humans too, because we know different, don’t we?
“Let’s be honest, the concept of human rights has been nothing but a pain in our collective backsides ever since I became Home Secretary, but not any longer.
“Apparently, you can’t go around putting humans seeking refuge in prison barges, or putting them on a plane to Rwanda, even when they claiming to be asylum seekers – I mean, everyone knows asylum seekers are animals, not human; what’s the big deal?”
Braverman went on to try and calm those who have been left angry at the news, insisting this is not the end of human rights in the United Kingdom.
She explained, “Look, you can rest easy because we’re going to make our own Human Rights Council, and it will be the best Human Rights Council in the world, where only the best people will be classified as human.
“Anyone will be able to submit an application, but we will be very choosy about who we let be classified as human – we have to be. None of these migrant sorts, or anyone else we don’t like. None of those, obviously.”
Meanwhile, many Tory supporters have taken to looking at themselves in the mirror this morning and asking themselves the question, “What… what if we’re the baddies?”
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