“Here are some tips to deal with the unprecedented prices we have set” offers hero energy company

Your energy company has offered you some great advice to cope with its own twisted pricing strategy.

The company’s prices have rocketed since last year, as have their profits, but you shouldn’t think about that last bit, or the distinct lack of a meaningful windfall tax.

“That’s tip number one,” confirmed Simon Williams, Head of Evil at Energy Bastards Ltd.

“Tip number two is putting a jumper on. I imagine you people aren’t really smart enough to come up with that one yourselves?

“Other tips include doing star jumps, running up and down the stairs, or working at the office rather than from home. There’s something in there for everybody.”

Hayley Rice commented, “I am retired, wheelchair-bound, and I live in a bungalow with no stairs.

“Literally none of those tips help me. What WOULD help me would be the assurance of Energy Bastards that their prices will not go up too much, or even that they will be using their enormous profits to help offset these bills for their customers.”

Williams chuckled, “Don’t be silly.

“We’re Energy Bastards, not Energy Nice People. The clue’s in the name, love.”

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