“Donald who?” says Republican party

The Grand Old Party of American politics has denied ever meeting Donald Trump or even knowing who he is, according to reports today.

Trump, who was until yesterday the figurehead of their party and represented everything they said they wanted and stood for, has already been airbrushed out of official pictures and biographies of major party figures.

Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell, leader of the House Republicans, who has spent the last four years with his nose buried firmly between the butt cheeks of a man who regarded him as weak and stupid, went on the record to insist he had never even heard the name ‘Donald Trump’, and if they had met he certainly couldn’t remember doing so.

“Dinald Tromp? Danny Troop?” he asked reporters with a confused expression.

“I’m sorry, but the name doesn’t ring any bells. You’re telling me he was President? For my party? Nonsense, I’m sure I would have heard if he was.

“Anyway, I’ve not been to the White House in years – I’ve been much too busy laying some new decking at home, and clearing out my garage, so I’ve no idea what might have been going on there.”

Meanwhile, Vice President Mike Pence released a copy of his diary which appeared to show he had no contact with Trump in the last six years.

“I don’t know how these rumours get about,” he said,

“Me and Donald Trump? Never met the guy. You must be crazy if you think I’d ever have anything to do with him.”

Advertisement

NewsThumpNotebooks

Somewhere to write down everything that’s wrong with the world. You may need several.

See the full collection →