Reform to use Dulux colour chart for social housing allocation

Reform UK has announced plans to prioritise British-born workers when allocating social housing, with the party reportedly considering a new system based on the Dulux colour chart.

Under the proposed scheme, applicants will apparently be required to select the shade that most closely matches their skin tone, with anything darker than “Magnolia” expected to result in an automatic rejection.

“We’re not discriminating against anyone,” insisted Reform spokesman Simon Williams. “We’re simply making sure housing is allocated according to a completely objective system involving nationality, birthplace and several thousand shades of white.”

Applicants whose complexion appears to be a darker shade of pale will reportedly face a more rigorous assessment, including a DNA test, a pronunciation test involving the word ‘Worcestershire’, and a requirement to produce a photograph of themselves standing next to a St George flag.

Those who fail the assessment could be offered alternative accommodation, although Reform has yet to decide whether this will consist of a garden shed or a tent under a motorway flyover.

The party has denied reports that its new housing policy was developed by a man from B&Q who was asked to find a cheaper alternative to an actual immigration policy.

Dulux has distanced itself from the policy, saying its colour chart was designed to help people decorate their homes, not decide who is allowed to live in them.

The company has nevertheless offered Reform a discount on 20,000 tins of “White Mist”.

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