Gianni Infantino to remain FIFA President after two delegates mysteriously eaten by piranhas at FIFA summit

Gianni Infantino is to remain president of FIFA following an emergency summit at his secret lair inside a dormant volcano.

Senior executives overwhelmingly backed the current president after two delegates were mysteriously devoured by a shoal of ravenous piranhas during the meeting.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said FA executive Simon Williams.

“First of all, we were told that the meeting had been moved from the usual FIFA offices in Zurich to the inside of a hollowed-out volcano at an undisclosed location, then we were blindfolded and put into helicopters. When we finally got to the meeting, Infantino was sitting at the top of a long table stroking a white cat and saying how disappointed he was in all of us.

“After a couple of delegates from Concacaf said they had lost confidence in the President, Infantino pressed a button underneath the table, then the floor opened up below their chairs and they fell into a tank of angry piranhas.

‘We could hear them screaming for a couple of minutes, after which Infantino asked if anyone else had lost confidence in him. We all agreed that he was doing a bang-up job and should remain in charge for as long as he wanted.

“The Welsh FA have been very critical of Infantino, but even their representative agreed that Gianni was the man for the job. Although he was strapped to a table with a laser beam slowly moving towards his knackers at the time, so that could have been a factor?

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