England back to normal

A slow, cautious and uninspiring display of football has reassured fans that England are back to normal.

Fans were understood to be ‘concerned and unhappy’ after a display of attacking and imaginative play against Croatia took them completely out of their comfort zone but, like an overfilled balloon slowly deflating until it looks like a deflated scrotum, England’s performance has returned to staid and disappointing.

”It was weird and quite scary”, said super fan Simon Williams.

“I don’t pay good money to watch England running and attacking. I want to see ninety minutes of triangular passing, with players terrified to lose possession in case of a chance which never comes.

”Thank God for Ghana setting us back on the straight and narrow.

”Which is also the term I’d use to describe Anthony Gordon’s use of space, if I’m honest.”

Reports indicate that next opponents Panama will use a similar tight defence in the middle – a strategy which England have no counter for, beyond hanging around by the halfway line and passing back to Jordan Pickford whenever anyone comes near.

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