Diana Ross set ‘banish ghosts of 1994’ by talking World Cup opening ceremony penalty
by Rich Smith 5 months ago 
Singer Diana Ross is finally expected to put one of football’s greatest personal humiliations behind her this evening, after spending the last 32 years pretending her penalty in the 1994 World Cup opening ceremony never happened.
As the latest tournament kicks off in the United States, Mexico and Canada, Ross is said to be preparing herself emotionally for the moment when television coverage inevitably reminds everyone of the now-infamous penalty kick that somehow missed a goal roughly the size of a small bus from a distance of about five feet.
The incident occurred during the opening ceremony of the 1994 World Cup when Ross was invited to take a ceremonial penalty. The plan was simple: score the goal, trigger a spectacular pyrotechnic effect, and delight a global audience.
Instead, Ross dragged the shot wide, forcing organisers to detonate the specially designed exploding goalposts anyway, while everyone politely pretended the original plan had worked perfectly.
“It remains one of the greatest moments in football history,” explained sports historian Simon Williams.
“Not because of the football, but because millions of people simultaneously witnessed a backup plan being activated in real time.”
Sources close to Ross say she has spent three decades avoiding any mention of penalties, goalposts, footballs, grass, nets, sporting arenas, or anything else that could potentially trigger unwanted flashbacks.
However, friends believe the arrival of another American-hosted World Cup could finally provide closure.
“At some point you have to move on,” said Chuck Matthews. “The woman has sold over 100 million records. She can’t spend the rest of her life being defined by one slightly embarrassing penalty miss and a set of goalposts that exploded out of pity.”
Tournament organisers have meanwhile confirmed that no celebrities will be asked to take penalties during this year’s opening ceremony, following concerns that any miss could result in the individual being mocked on a satire site in the year 2058.
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