FIFA set to introduce fee for thinking about World Cup

FIFA is set for criticism over plans to charge fans for thinking about the World Cup for the duration of the tournament.

“During the course of June and July, every thought concerning the World Cup will be subject to a new FIFA thinking fee,” reads a new entry on the FIFA website.

FIFA spokesperson Satan confirmed how the new fees would work.

“Fans would be expected to note down whenever they think about the World Cup and then at the end of the day, total up the total amount of time spent thinking about the World Cup and use the new payment page on the FIFA website to pay.”

There are two tiers of Official World Cup thoughts:

Standard thoughts include trying to remember if Gary Lineker is presenting, planning where to watch today’s match, deciding where to place your wall chart

Luxury thoughts are charged at a premium and include hoping that a particular team will win the World Cup, picturing yourself holding the World Cup and any thought soundtracked by Baddiel and Skinner’s ‘Three Lions’

The two tiers will be charged at $1 and $2 per thought respectively. Satan has also confirmed there would be a subscription model available.

“This is the real value option that any real fan would want,” he said.

“For just $8 per day, you are free to think about the World Cup as often as you like. Either tier is valid. If I were a World Cup fan, this is what I’d go for.”

Satan later clarified that the subscription automatically auto-renews for the 2030 tournament unless fans fill out a cancellation form.

The website also notes that Budweiser is the official sponsor of World Cup thoughts, so if you do think any chargeable World Cup thoughts then you will be obliged to think about Budweiser immediately after.

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